Just a weekend.

louder-than-life
Louder Than Life, October 2016

2016 included a few firsts for me.

It was the first year we were able to get mine and my husbands side of the family together for Christmas. It was the first year we had been to a concert as a married couple. It was also the first year I had ever been to a music festival.

For those who had read any of my other posts, you know that, for a long time, I had been trying to change who I am to fit the profile of a “good mother”. I know now that that is a load of complete bullshit. The decision to attend Louder than Life and once again immerse myself into the culture of metal was a defining moment for me.

I had spent the past 2 years trying to make myself into this good Christian woman because that’s what social media and those around me told me I needed to do. I changed my clothing, my music, how I spoke and became someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. But, on October 1 and 2, 2016, I saw how wrong I had been.

Being around others who loved the music as much as I do was transcendent, more so than anything I had ever felt during any church sermon. The amount of crowd surfers was insane and you could just tell that the artists got as much of a high as we did from the experience. It was crazy to be around so many people who loved to just be there and experience everything the music gave us a collective. You could feel it in your bones.

The best part for me, though, was seeing the people who had brought their kids with them. That really made it hit home to me that I had been making a fool of myself and that, in changing myself for everyone else, I was setting the worst kind of example for my daughter.

So, I change that weekend. It was like the fire was lit inside of me again. I’ve stopped caring so much about everyone else. My husband and I have starting putting what we want first and giving a big old middle-finger to anyone who tries to shame us for it. I’ve changed jobs, cleaned out my closet of all the clothes that just weren’t me, and starting listening to the music that really reaches my soul.

And I don’t regret it for one second.

Who would have thought to one music festival would have had such a profound experience in my life.

via Photo Challenge: Names

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