One.

I feel like the first post in a blog should be something that is profound. I don’t quite know what I can write that would be considered profound, though. I am a typical 24-year-old mother of one who is trying to find out where she belongs in this world. I am a wife and a sister. I am a movie-goer and a bookworm, a photographer and a dreamer. I don’t fit into any specific niche and I’m okay with that. I don’t socialize a lot. I have issues with anxiety and depression, but I feel like that is such a cliche anymore, so I make a point to not let those issues define me (sometimes I am more successful than others).

I am also beginning to discover that I have been, in a sense, lying to myself for a while about who I am as a person. I have had this image in my head since I had my little girl of what it is to be a mother. I have been trying to project that in my life, but I have recently discovered how miserable that has made me.

For the past 3+ years I have tried being the bright, bubble, religious, Pintrest-perfect momma, and, honestly, that’s just not me.

The real me listens to metal and prefers skinny jeans and combat boots to floral patterns and bright colors. The real me says more bad words than I should and has a messy house because I’m too busy spending time with my daughter and husband to give it much thought. The real me has a southern accent that I can’t hide for anything and snorts when I laugh too hard. The real me isn’t much a social butterfly and prefers small groups to large crowds (except for festivals and concerts!). The real me watches anime and obsesses over shows like Supernatural and Doctor Who. The real me has the occasional anxiety attack and, in fact, does not have all of my shit together. The real me could care less about your religion, sexuality, how you dress, race, or what bathroom you feel like you should go to. I would rather spend my time with real people who can hold a good conversations and don’t mind that a curly-headed toddler will likely interrupt us incessantly. The real me just wants to be happy and I have decided it about time I take care of myself instead of worrying about pleasing everyone else.

While I have been spending all this time and energy trying to be the picture-perfect momma, I have been hurting myself in more ways than one. I have been “eating my feelings” and let myself go where my health is concerned. I have turned to food for comfort and, as to be expected, dug myself even further in a hole I have been struggling to get out of. Before the holidays, without much effort, I was able to rid myself of about 15 pounds of extra weight, but, have gained back about three of them (I’m kinda proud of myself it has been such a small amount). With this journey starting, I plan on restoring my health so I will be recording that here as well! Cheers for accountability!

I’m hoping that, by making myself a little place where I can write out my thoughts and such, it will be a bit easier to be able to express myself and be happier with who I am. Who knows, maybe I will be able to help others as well! It’s that really the goal of being a human? Bettering others by bettering yourself; who could ask for anything more? I have also decided that just talking about teaching my daughter to be happy with who she is and not letting other people make you feel bad for being yourself isn’t gonna cut it. It’s time I show her instead of being all talk!

So, I guess that’s my introduction to this blog. I hope that some will start to follow me on my journey and we can all have fun along the way!

-Gwen.

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